I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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