I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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