I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
