It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
