Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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