I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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