Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
