i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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