he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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