you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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