Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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