My friends, they love my intelligence
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
