i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize