I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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