I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
