Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
