I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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