He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
