So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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