dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
