oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
