Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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