I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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