Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
