dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
