I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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