i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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