I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
