He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.