Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.