this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT