She is in my trunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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