Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
