She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
