The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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