Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
