i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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