hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
