ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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