Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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