Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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