I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
