Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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