So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
