Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
