I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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