Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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