you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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