That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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