no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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