She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
