how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
