i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
