the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
