Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
