I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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