took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
