he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
