You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize