so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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