He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
