my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
