Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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