I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
