I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
