New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
