Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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