remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
