before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
